514 Outfit Post – Friends of Enemies
Gots some things on ma mind…
What has been going on in my head lately? A whole lot of wondering concerning the entire nature of the human race. The psychology behind why people do what they do and why. Lately, as well as many times in the past I come head to head with having to make the tough decision of who I flush and who I keep in my life. The hardest part is figuring out who to keep and who to let go of.
There are some people (if we are lucky enough to know them) who would take bullets on our behalf. There are others who front like they would but when it comes down to judgement day they bail on your ass. The problem is, you can never really be sure which person is gonna do what. I mean, think about it. We all have best friends that have let us down, and enemies that have helped us out… how the hell are we supposed to pick up the warning signs when we’ve finally let our guards down and opened up to trusting someone? What’s up with all these “frenemies”?!?
Must we all live in a paranoid state and close our true personalities and feelings off to the world simply because others misuse and abuse them? Because other people do not hold your beleifs and truths to be as sacred to them as their own? Because somehow crushing yours has no relation to them and theirs? The sickening part, is that a larger few than I would like to admit of the worlds population actually get a rush out of bringing you down. WTF people… I thought we were all in this together! Have you not HEARD of Mr. Marley??? Fucking apply his heartfelt meditations to your sorry ass lives and make them worth fucking living!!!
My mother used to constantly preach to me while growing up “Treat others the way you want to be treated”. And you know what? It paid off. I do. Absolutely. I give my friends my time, my loyalty, my trust and every ounce of my personality. I share with them my passions, my loves, my fears, desires and insights. So why is it that I constantly see this repitition in my life of people who reciprocate but eventually do something major to let me down?
Intentional or not, I always end up feeling a little bit like the owner of a battered heart when yet another friend bites the dust. Am I too unrealistic? I mean, we ARE only human… we all falter (and god knows I do too)… I feel like I have to get back up on the horse and keep riding alone. Like life will always be like this for me. Will I be standing alone in the end with only a broken heart? I mean when your friends are your enemies and your enemies your friends, how do you know YOU haven’t let the right people down???
My heart is becoming a strong muscle through life’s trials and tribulations, and I know that it is only a sign of health… no need to worry. In fact, friendship in many ways is a comparable to a very deep love. A love that binds you without the need for sexuality. I do not regret falling in love with every person I meet. With their differences, their lives, experiences and personalities. I never want to be closed off to love of any kind… or getting to know a genuine person. I just wish that sometimes love was not tied to war… that the feelings of positivity that take over you can cause so much hurt in their own right. It takes time to heal. Some scars never fade in the futures you hold with others… they merely leave barricades that can never be brought back down.
All to say… people! Please be careful with each other’s hearts. As strong and central as they may be, they are still very delicate parts of our being. I know I have not always been as careful and regret the pain caused by my own actions. I have paid for it, maybe not nearly enough… but all I know is that guilt and sorrow can take a hold of you like nothing else can.
Alright… ENOUGH ALREADY!!! Let’s get back into the groove!!! Gemini multiple personality switch… NOW!
Don’t know why, but I am TOTALLY digging my chipped nailpolish with this look. Obviously, the white trash hoe in me needed to be unleashed 
So comfy!
So tired! Babe snapped these shots and went ape with the camera long after my starbucks wore off… phew!
In my “New York” state of mind…
What I’m Wearing
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Bellz graphic tee
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Bebe crochet chain vest
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old Parasuco jeans (loves ‘em)
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Michael Kors belt
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Coach purse
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Coach bootie sandals
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Thomas Sabo charm necklace
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John Hardy bamboo hoop earrings
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Gucci watch
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Aldo accessories ring
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MAC lippie in Angel
This post is dedicated to my Babe. Dare I say the only one who has never let me down and continues to be open, honest and accepting of all the shattered peices of a girl I can be at times. I love you. Truly. Thank you.
Love you all… thank you ALWAYS for droppin’ by the online 514!
Fashionista Fairy… take me away…
I have been feeling very lady-like rock star as of late… channelling my inner red lipstick goddess… adorning myself in black lace, black and white diamonds (both fake and real – it’s all about mixin‘ it up!), feline eyeliner (can’t live without it anyways… who am I kidding???), and introducing a healthy dosage of the never-go out of style cheetah print. Bliss.
This orange completely made my day. Thank you Mr. Dior (sending thanks into the clouds from earth)! How beautiful and inspiring is this color with such a conservative skirt? Lovin‘ the contrast and ultimately luxe look of this edgy ensemble.
Yummy hat. As in yummy as tapioca or rice pudding… or better yet… CHOCOLATE!!!
This outfit is sunshine!
The oh-la-la dramatisme… remind me again why I am not in Paris walking around like this every day!?!?! I would love to sip my latte in that dramatic hat!
She makes me want to eat salad for the rest of my life and dye my hair red… if only just to look as good as her in these two outfits!!!
Can’t really see what purpose this trench would serve in the rain, but who the eff cares when you are lookin‘ that foxy?!?!
Hope all of you luvers are doing well and having a better start to the week than I have! And thank you all for reading my posts – it is my therapy. I am so lucky to be able to share the inner workings of my crazy mind with all of yous! I already feel better just from writing this post 
Muchos Bisous!
Blah Blah Blahhhhhhh… Rant time…
Today is just not my day. Although everything is fine in my world, I can’t help but feel completely consumed by anxiety, stress and fear. Anxious from feeling like my professional life is on hold. Stressed from over analyzing and thinking that my relationship could be better if we didn’t work together (a passionate career for me = my sanity = better sane girlfriend). Fear of the future. Of not having enough time to do everything I want to do. Fear of not achieving things by myself. I am surrounded day in and out by successful men, or those who are on their way. I feel like one of them… without my own thing going on. I am excited to be travelling soon (this is the current holdup), but want to get back to what makes my head spin with desire… fashion. The business of surrounding yourself with beauty.
Another thing that’s on my mind that I just can’t shake… Malicious people who underestimate me constantly. We all know who I’m talking about… the people who assume that just because you know how to apply makeup and wear a pair of high heels that you have nothing more to offer. The ones who are surprised when you act “out of character” like a normal human being and show any sign of the fact that you are just like them. PEOPLE!!! WE ARE ALL THE SAME! GET OVER IT ALREADY! Just because I choose to present myself in a certain way DOES NOT MEAN that I’m stupid, a gold digger, high maintenance, a princess or egotistical. I am just a girl making the most of what she was given and working hard to maintain the physical, emotional and psychological side of herself… As much time as I spend shopping and lip glossing, I am reading, cooking, exploring, loving, watching and creating. So just eat it haters.
When I am in vulnerable moods such as these, there is only one thing that ever makes me feel better – this song. That is all. Somehow, it is always comforting to me – no matter how many times I play it
Billy Joel owns a part of my soul.
"Friend" DeTox!
I came across this “lesson to live by” on a day that I really needed it. You see, sometimes I feel drained from the people I call friends because it seems like they only want to see me when they have a problem they need advice or help with. How many times have I been in the same situation and many of them are nowhere to be found?
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What am I running from?
Alright, I’m just gonna put this out there: I think I may have a marriage phobia. I honestly have no idea where this came from or why, but whenever marriage pops into my head I get completely claustrophobic! As a little girl it was never something I dreamt about. I thought I knew it all and was convinced that I would never need a man. Wrong. Not that I rely on a man, but I know how badly my personality needs an intimate love – or really how badly we all need that kind of love in our lives. Now, I have only ever had two relationships in my life. My ex of 4 years (we met when we were both 17), and my current relationship of 2 years (My current boyfriend is 31). I had a two year breather in between where I didn’t even really date. Now, my ex is engaged, and I have found a guy who gives me every thing I need, and whom I love and can really see a future with. When he mentions marriage however, I know that it is something I want eventually but that right now is just not in my cards. Not to say that he is not the one either – I truly believe that when you grow with someone, time only makes it clearer and clearer.
I am twenty freakin‘ three!!! I have just begun to come into my independence, freedom and self and I have to start thinking of bonding my life to another human being for the rest of my life?!? I just broke free from my parents! I am too busy right now enjoying the selfishness of my youth that I can’t even imagine the responsibility of a husband and children. I know that once I have juiced all of that out of me I will eventually be ready for all of that – however I refuse to jump in prematurely and regret my life decisions when I’m old and and grey and reflecting on my life.
Firstly, I must note that my ex and I were convinced we were going to get married… which makes me very, very confused. You see, we were both soo convinced of something that in the end obviously wasn’t our destiny. The fact that to-be brides can be replaced by others also boggles my mind. What happened to “you are the one for me”? The only one!?! By all means I understand that people fall in love many times in their lives (if they are lucky), however the marriage I have always believed in only holds room for my one true love and cannot be faked with replacements. Please do not take that statement the wrong way – I am not implying my ex. I think he probably has found his true love, and we were just too young, and naive to fully understand what the word marriage really means.
Last summer for example, I attended many weddings with my boyfriend. At almost every single one of them, I felt no real passionate love between the couples. It was so sad, almost like I was witnessing a funeral in its own right. Now, I was just an outsider but it felt like everyone was merely getting married because it was convenient, the right thing to do, or because they were somehow pressured into it. I don’t know… I just see soo many people getting hitched, not realizing how big of a deal it is, and then crumbling later on in life from suppressing so many hidden emotions. People, why do you think the divorce rate is so high? We idolize Hollywood where celebrities get married every few months to their newest co-star! I think maybe that has had something to do psychologically with our minds being hardwired for making impulsive decisions!
Look, I am not saying don’t get married – in fact I wish more people really would get married for the right reasons! I think when it is pure and really true that there is nothing more beautiful in the world. Nothing can compare. Too many people still envision this glamorized version of what marriage really is though and it is only ever dangerous to their relationship, and especially to the children they raise together. Marriage is both passionate love and buiness business business! If you can successfully balance the two, then hats off to you!
All I know, is that when I get married I will be a bit older, wiser, and know that without a doubt I am there till the end with my absolute one and only. Oh, with five kids on the way
Coffee Shopper
- Job in my field! Although I am enjoying my current employment as “Leasing Agent” for luxury apartments, my heart lies in fashion! I love that I am doing the interior design for the new units as well – it is truly awesome, but my end goal is to work with a fashion magazine publication here in Montreal. I am a Montreal girl – my heart, soul and love support are all here… no such thing as moving away from my friends and family. Just not an option, even though New York city is magazine central!
- Boyfriend girlfriend drama… well I won’t get into too many details, but I find relationships sooo hard (especially moving on from past relationships). How do people have the courage to repeatedly open their hearts to new people without comparing everything about them to the past? I love my boyfriend to shreds, but sometimes I find it very hard to relate to him. This always is a head breaker!
- It’s fashion week! Here in Montreal our finest display their great talent all week on the runways of the Bonsecours Market in the Old Port. I have just not had the same urge to attend as previous seasons! I will be attending the Marie St-Pierre show tonight at 9pm, and am excited about that… but the weather seems to imitate my icy mood of the moment and I don’t even want to think about trekking across half the city to attend a fifteen minute show
. This is not like me, but Canadian winters I guess have a way of teaching you some things about yourself.
- My Ex. I am not someone who dwells on the past, however I can’t seem to wrap my mind around the fact that my ex is getting married. At 23! I don’t know, this just seems to be an impossibility to me. So young, so weird that we dated. Weird weird weird. I am very happy for the both of them (and that is not just something I am saying to appear like the un-jealous girlfriend – I really do mean it), it really just blows my mind.
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The future. What does it behold? I know you can never determine what you will do or who you will become, but somehow I feel wildly out of control and suffocatingly restrained. I want to travel, love, live, feel, touch and taste everything in my sight. I feel impatient and almost like things can’t happen fast enough. This is the itch of youth I assume. The idea that there is never enough time to adventure into life. I want children, but am afraid of a routine that would kill my freedom. I want a husband but am afraid of being taken advantage of over time and not even realizing it – feeling trapped. I sometimes think I would be just as happy to be a travelling gypsy or a beach bum selling shell necklaces from my hammock – but no, that would be the easy way out. I am scared I will die without enhancing or enriching anybody else’s life in a massive way. Some days I ooze wisdom, today I stink of fear and insecurities.
Today I am fragile, emotional, and as you can see nothing is broken but it still feels like it needs to fixed.
On a happy note, I am counting down the days till June 3rd – Billy Joel & Elton John are coming to Montreal on their world tour and yours truly has tickets!!! This is my past wrapped up in a concert – I never thought I would see my idol Elton live… and now one of my dreams will be realized! Just hope I won’t be globetrotting in Romania, Paris or South Africa by that point (I will be there this summer). Then again, I love how unscripted my life really is Now there is something to smile about!
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