My Thoughts Exactly… Ownership and other rant worthy topics…

I want to know something… can someone please enlighten me? What makes people think they have the effing power over you to dictate to you what you can and can’t do with your own life?!? What makes them seem to think that their opinion is any better or more valid than yours? I have noticed this many a time in my little life experiences… so why is it that people try so hard to move into your personal space and grab hold of the controllers?

Being a young woman in this big bad world, people are naturally very protective of me. This is great cause I know how much people really care for me, however it ALWAYS ends up becoming an overly possessive issue where I feel like I am losing my voice I think it is great that I get feedback from others before I do something – it allows me to weigh it’s worth. Sometimes though, all I really just want to do is fall flat on my face and experience it myself. I would one thousand times prefer to try something and it fail than to have never of took the leap myself and experienced every part of it.

What bothers me, is that what always starts as a concern ends as a fight to defend your own lifestyle choices. To do what you would have done instinctively if another had not interfered (for better or worse).

One thing I have never ever understood is why companies will search for job candidates on facebook. Check them out before they are hired, regardless of their qualifications. How the hell is it any of their business what you do in your private life – be it cross dressing, partying, or family functions??? Please don’t give me the lame ass excuse that they want employees that will represent their company properly… c’mon?!?! So dumb!!! Wether the guy has a foot fetish or not does not change his performance at work… stop trying to invade people’s personal space and turn us all into lifeless autobots! It`s our little preferences and passions that make us who we are.

Another pet peeve… people who say dumb, negative things for absolutely no greater good. People… if you don’t have nothin’ good to say – DON`T SAY NOTHIN`!!! Keep your mouth shut and the universe will reward you with not labelling you as a douche!

All this to say… let me live my golden life the way I WANT to please I think I have good enough judgement to understand and evaluate what is good for myself. And if I don`t… well it`s about time I learn for myself.

Merci, thank you!

Dearest Hater…

So here is a comment I received in response to my last blog post…

Anonymous said…

“You should consider yourself ridiculously lucky that you even have the option of thinking of going to a spa while you are in a developing world where children do not have the option to even see a doctor. Talk about needs. Your coach booties could probably comfortably feed a family for one month possilby more. My suggestion? Quit complaining and realize that you are not there for yourself but are there for those that need your help. Or else get the fuck out and quit blogging like you care about anything else but a free trip. But don’t worry, I’ll still be reading your trainwreck of a blog. It is ridiculously entertaining.”

Now I don’t usually waste my time on Haters, but this comment seemed amusing enough to address…

First up… I DO consider myself to be EXTREMELY priviledged in this life I lead. I never take it or anything around it for granted. So you all know (as I realize this may not always be clear) everything I have, I have worked for. My clothes, my lifestyle, my freedoms. So please knock off the whole judging me as a spoiled brat princess who gets everything handed to her shit. It’s really getting pretty old. I do what I can for those who are in need to the best of my ability. Same goes for back home, and in life in general. Yes, I am human and I DO bitch. When I am jetlagged, tired, on the rag and feeling sick I am not at my best. Does that take away from my efforts of helping pass 600 people a day and giving them eyesight? Does that make me have to live my life in modesty when I can experience and enjoy things that others can’t? I would think of myself as MORE of a fool if I didn’t take advantage of everything my life has to offer. It would be a life half lived. A life wasted. A life someone else could have lived to the fullest. As for the spa… I’m a girl… tell me… really what do you expect? You obviously have never been… I think you too would change your mind about “allowing yourself” to fantasize about them when you were feeling under the weather if you just tried it out already I never once mentioned it being my priority… just something I can’t wait to do when I get home. This is a FASHION blog, not a humanitarian organization. I shouldn’t even technically be blogging about any of this as it has no relation whatsoever to the content I keep. I WANT to share this. It is IMPORTANT to me despite what you may think. The hours are long and it is hard work, I never said I wanted out! Before you ASSUME it was a free trip, you should know that I paid to be here. Every meal, every night stay, every taxi, every flight, even the training. So don’t come up here on my little corner of the internet and tell me that I have my priorities mixed up and I don’t give an eff about anything other than myself. You who hides behind the computer screen criticizing my efforts under the name Anonymous. If you are involved in your own things, I commend you. If you aren’t, I commend you – I am not one to judge. To each their own. One word of advice… next time you decide to trash my wall, at least have the courage to voice your opinions with your name and face behind them. You might even consider transforming all that pent up negative energy you save to dish out on my blog into some positive love vibes to spread around. God knows with people like you in the world we need it.

As for calling my blog a trainwreck… well that’s just in bad taste… I sincerely hope you continue to follow my blog and be ridiculously entertained by it forever more… oh, and for future reference, I really don’t have time to constantly justify my shit… so if you or anyone else tries this again your comment will just get a big fat delete in the face. Enjoy!

MUCHOS BISOUS DE PERU!

514 Outfit Post – Friends of Enemies

Gots some things on ma mind…

What has been going on in my head lately? A whole lot of wondering concerning the entire nature of the human race. The psychology behind why people do what they do and why. Lately, as well as many times in the past I come head to head with having to make the tough decision of who I flush and who I keep in my life. The hardest part is figuring out who to keep and who to let go of.

There are some people (if we are lucky enough to know them) who would take bullets on our behalf. There are others who front like they would but when it comes down to judgement day they bail on your ass. The problem is, you can never really be sure which person is gonna do what. I mean, think about it. We all have best friends that have let us down, and enemies that have helped us out… how the hell are we supposed to pick up the warning signs when we’ve finally let our guards down and opened up to trusting someone? What’s up with all these “frenemies”?!?

Must we all live in a paranoid state and close our true personalities and feelings off to the world simply because others misuse and abuse them? Because other people do not hold your beleifs and truths to be as sacred to them as their own? Because somehow crushing yours has no relation to them and theirs? The sickening part, is that a larger few than I would like to admit of the worlds population actually get a rush out of bringing you down. WTF people… I thought we were all in this together! Have you not HEARD of Mr. Marley??? Fucking apply his heartfelt meditations to your sorry ass lives and make them worth fucking living!!!

My mother used to constantly preach to me while growing up “Treat others the way you want to be treated”. And you know what? It paid off. I do. Absolutely. I give my friends my time, my loyalty, my trust and every ounce of my personality. I share with them my passions, my loves, my fears, desires and insights. So why is it that I constantly see this repitition in my life of people who reciprocate but eventually do something major to let me down?

Intentional or not, I always end up feeling a little bit like the owner of a battered heart when yet another friend bites the dust. Am I too unrealistic? I mean, we ARE only human… we all falter (and god knows I do too)… I feel like I have to get back up on the horse and keep riding alone. Like life will always be like this for me. Will I be standing alone in the end with only a broken heart? I mean when your friends are your enemies and your enemies your friends, how do you know YOU haven’t let the right people down???

My heart is becoming a strong muscle through life’s trials and tribulations, and I know that it is only a sign of health… no need to worry. In fact, friendship in many ways is a comparable to a very deep love. A love that binds you without the need for sexuality. I do not regret falling in love with every person I meet. With their differences, their lives, experiences and personalities. I never want to be closed off to love of any kind… or getting to know a genuine person. I just wish that sometimes love was not tied to war… that the feelings of positivity that take over you can cause so much hurt in their own right. It takes time to heal. Some scars never fade in the futures you hold with others… they merely leave barricades that can never be brought back down.

All to say… people! Please be careful with each other’s hearts. As strong and central as they may be, they are still very delicate parts of our being. I know I have not always been as careful and regret the pain caused by my own actions. I have paid for it, maybe not nearly enough… but all I know is that guilt and sorrow can take a hold of you like nothing else can.

Alright… ENOUGH ALREADY!!! Let’s get back into the groove!!! Gemini multiple personality switch… NOW!

Don’t know why, but I am TOTALLY digging my chipped nailpolish with this look. Obviously, the white trash hoe in me needed to be unleashed

So comfy!

So tired! Babe snapped these shots and went ape with the camera long after my starbucks wore off… phew!

In my “New York” state of mind…

What I’m Wearing

• Bellz graphic tee
• Bebe crochet chain vest
• old Parasuco jeans (loves ‘em)
• Michael Kors belt
• Coach purse
• Coach bootie sandals
• Thomas Sabo charm necklace
• John Hardy bamboo hoop earrings
• Gucci watch
• Aldo accessories ring
• MAC lippie in Angel

This post is dedicated to my Babe. Dare I say the only one who has never let me down and continues to be open, honest and accepting of all the shattered peices of a girl I can be at times. I love you. Truly. Thank you.

Love you all… thank you ALWAYS for droppin’ by the online 514!

Blah Blah Blahhhhhhh… Rant time…

Today is just not my day. Although everything is fine in my world, I can’t help but feel completely consumed by anxiety, stress and fear. Anxious from feeling like my professional life is on hold. Stressed from over analyzing and thinking that my relationship could be better if we didn’t work together (a passionate career for me = my sanity = better sane girlfriend). Fear of the future. Of not having enough time to do everything I want to do. Fear of not achieving things by myself. I am surrounded day in and out by successful men, or those who are on their way. I feel like one of them… without my own thing going on. I am excited to be travelling soon (this is the current holdup), but want to get back to what makes my head spin with desire… fashion. The business of surrounding yourself with beauty.

Another thing that’s on my mind that I just can’t shake… Malicious people who underestimate me constantly. We all know who I’m talking about… the people who assume that just because you know how to apply makeup and wear a pair of high heels that you have nothing more to offer. The ones who are surprised when you act “out of character” like a normal human being and show any sign of the fact that you are just like them. PEOPLE!!! WE ARE ALL THE SAME! GET OVER IT ALREADY! Just because I choose to present myself in a certain way DOES NOT MEAN that I’m stupid, a gold digger, high maintenance, a princess or egotistical. I am just a girl making the most of what she was given and working hard to maintain the physical, emotional and psychological side of herself… As much time as I spend shopping and lip glossing, I am reading, cooking, exploring, loving, watching and creating. So just eat it haters.

When I am in vulnerable moods such as these, there is only one thing that ever makes me feel better – this song. That is all. Somehow, it is always comforting to me – no matter how many times I play it

Billy Joel owns a part of my soul.

Idiotic Peoples – lets rant together!

Is it just me fellow peoples, or are people really as stupid and evil as I beleive them to be? I really hate to say it, but there are very few people out there who have never let me down, backstabbed me, or befriended me for some form of hidden agenda.

Honestly, I am becoming pretty damn weary of these characters and can see how some people end up so miserable and bitter in their lives. I know I will never turn into one of these people as I am a stubborn fighter filled to the brim with a passion for life and adventure, but some days even I hit rock bottom. These people are positivity poison. Nit picking every ounce of joy you find in your personal or professional life and dissecting it untill it is as unappealing as they are. Bastards!!!

Or what about the punks out there that always try to beat you down by blaming everything that went wrong in their lives on you? Take responsibility for your own actions you losers – everyone else out there has to! What I wanna know is what makes them so special that they were chosen to dictate the fate of the mortal world!?!?!?

Geesh! I know I’m ranting and all but I know you all know someone like this out there, or at least once have (good for you for telling them off and flushing them). If you happen to BE one of these real life shit disturbers – cut it the hell out! We arn’t in highschool anymore and it won’t make you popular or famous. So do all us happy people a favor and stop trying to drag us down into the dirt of your miserable existence!

I know jealousy is a big thing between girls – we are naturally made to compete for the best man to ensure our offspring the highest chance of survival. Ladies ladies ladies… Instead of battling each other, why don’t we team up and share tips, tricks and lifestyle ideas with each other? Us bloggers get it – why don’t the rest of ya?!

That is all for my rant for the moment – feel free to add your own line of what/who pisses you off in the comment forum!

Ciao for now…

Sink or Swim – The Marriage Debate

I’ve been spending the night checking out the different blogs on the block… I can’t help but notice how many (insanely) young women are already married or expecting! I love their blogs on their new lives, and every baby blog (or pregnant woman for that matter), gets my maternal instincts all in a twist! I feel the up most amount of respect for these women! Marriage at a young age is very scary to me (as romantic and beautiful as it is). In fact, I always believed myself to be a young bride. I felt I knew the responsibility that is marriage and could grasp how difficult it could sometimes be as well. The truth is, the more I thought I knew – the more I realized that I really knew nothing. The more married couples I meet the more I wonder how charmed their lives really are. Now, this is not an attack by any means – as all relationships are different and cannot be generalized, but are you all really that happy? Now newlyweds and our ladies out there who are expecting do not count – I can only imagine the sunshine you are walking on right now! There is nothing more beautiful in this world than an expecting momma or a girl with the flush of love on her face!

I understand the point that you win in the end with marriage – I see it in my own relationship. In the two years I have now been with Vlad, our relationship has only gotten better, easier and more fulfilling. Things we had difficulty with in the beginning have seemed to melt away. It’s like we are finally getting each other . I consider myself to have a beyond unbelievable relationship – the stuff fairy tales are made of, I truly do. Even ours is tough sometimes though, and it makes me really wonder how other people do it! I know people who are married, or getting married and their relationships seem to pale in comparison to mine (seriously not meant to pass judgement, or come off as cocky). These are people I have known for years, and have given advice in times of need. People who have hidden cheating from their lovers, or the fact that they are not sure that they are marrying “the one”. Maybe it’s just the people I know, or maybe I should shut my eyes a little more to avoid seeing what many are blinded by. I know, because I was very blinded in my first relationship. I would let things happen that degraded my friends and myself. Now that I recognize it when I see it, I refuse to let it happen again.

Now Montreal plays a big factor in all of this aswell! For those of you who live here or who have ever visited, you may have noticed the hot girl to average guy ratio…. 189,000 ladies to 1 fella So, as a result of numerous gorgeous girls to choose from (many who are quite sexually liberal here), guys in general have the pick of the litter. Montreal is a party city… nightlife, restaurants, supperclubs, stripclubs, etc… The ladies are daring, beautiful and out to get theirs! Now, this does not make it easy for the commited ladies out there who (if they are super lucky) have snatched up a good catch . Generally, it is very hard here for a girl to meet someone who will treat them with respect and like a lady. Sometimes the Quebecois traditions arn’t exactly helpful with impressing girls looking to commit (splitting or (girls) picking up the tab of beers for the first date… ugh). The truth is, guys get away without having to impress a woman here. They do not generally dress up to go out, or have to behave like a man in front of her. Why? Cause the majority of the ladies just flat out don’t expect it .

All this to say: I hope all of you ladies out there do and always will have the dream marriage you always pictured, and that you loving couples who are honest and true to each other breed lots of honest little babies Fight the fight, and let nothing come between your love. Montreal has bred the fighter in me, and you better believe I’m in it for the long haul

Coffee Shopper

Ola! Today I am writing from Second Cup cafe on Monkland – across the street from chez moi. I needed a bit of a change of scenery. There has been quite a bit on my mind this week. For one, my boyfriend and I got in quite a tiff, and although the smoke has cleared it still feels like it’s essence is lingering around me. As a true born Gemini (yes – we ARE trouble) my mind is clouded and running at a million miles a minute. No such thing as peace of mind here (not unless I have been tranquilized with lavender aromatherapy of sorts). So, here is what is on my mind:

• Job in my field! Although I am enjoying my current employment as “Leasing Agent” for luxury apartments, my heart lies in fashion! I love that I am doing the interior design for the new units as well – it is truly awesome, but my end goal is to work with a fashion magazine publication here in Montreal. I am a Montreal girl – my heart, soul and love support are all here… no such thing as moving away from my friends and family. Just not an option, even though New York city is magazine central!

• Boyfriend girlfriend drama… well I won’t get into too many details, but I find relationships sooo hard (especially moving on from past relationships). How do people have the courage to repeatedly open their hearts to new people without comparing everything about them to the past? I love my boyfriend to shreds, but sometimes I find it very hard to relate to him. This always is a head breaker!

• It’s fashion week! Here in Montreal our finest display their great talent all week on the runways of the Bonsecours Market in the Old Port. I have just not had the same urge to attend as previous seasons! I will be attending the Marie St-Pierre show tonight at 9pm, and am excited about that… but the weather seems to imitate my icy mood of the moment and I don’t even want to think about trekking across half the city to attend a fifteen minute show . This is not like me, but Canadian winters I guess have a way of teaching you some things about yourself.

http://www.mariestpierre.com/

• My Ex. I am not someone who dwells on the past, however I can’t seem to wrap my mind around the fact that my ex is getting married. At 23! I don’t know, this just seems to be an impossibility to me. So young, so weird that we dated. Weird weird weird. I am very happy for the both of them (and that is not just something I am saying to appear like the un-jealous girlfriend – I really do mean it), it really just blows my mind.

• The future. What does it behold? I know you can never determine what you will do or who you will become, but somehow I feel wildly out of control and suffocatingly restrained. I want to travel, love, live, feel, touch and taste everything in my sight. I feel impatient and almost like things can’t happen fast enough. This is the itch of youth I assume. The idea that there is never enough time to adventure into life. I want children, but am afraid of a routine that would kill my freedom. I want a husband but am afraid of being taken advantage of over time and not even realizing it – feeling trapped. I sometimes think I would be just as happy to be a travelling gypsy or a beach bum selling shell necklaces from my hammock – but no, that would be the easy way out. I am scared I will die without enhancing or enriching anybody else’s life in a massive way. Some days I ooze wisdom, today I stink of fear and insecurities.

Today I am fragile, emotional, and as you can see nothing is broken but it still feels like it needs to fixed.

On a happy note, I am counting down the days till June 3rd – Billy Joel & Elton John are coming to Montreal on their world tour and yours truly has tickets!!! This is my past wrapped up in a concert – I never thought I would see my idol Elton live… and now one of my dreams will be realized! Just hope I won’t be globetrotting in Romania, Paris or South Africa by that point (I will be there this summer). Then again, I love how unscripted my life really is Now there is something to smile about!